In every life, each and every one must face the time of passing. For some, it is sudden, even tragically accidental. For others, it is slow in coming. Some face it with great fear; others with great acceptance. The latter often have achieved a sense of closure and accomplishment. They understand that it is time.
I refer of course to passing stool. That is, taking a poop.
Some, at the time of passing, need to pass the time. I, however, eat a lot of fibre, and so do not need to take a tome to the toilet. Instead, I imbibe micro text apropos to the time being passed. Typically this entails re-reading the directions on a condom I received years ago, but for which I have sadly never found a use. Other times I simply read my Twitter feed. Twitter, like all feed, is a continual source of nourishment; sometimes it even comes with a surprise buried in its cereal-like goodness. However, yesterday, I was just plain shocked to read Toronto Cyclist Union's publicist Yvonne Bambrick's endorsement of a rant passed by soured EYE WEEKLY editor, Edward Keenan:
Knowing that Bambrick, like most riders of Dutch bikes, is too concerned about her good looks to dare ruin them with a helmet, I was unsurprised by her opposal to any encouragement to wear one. I was, however, rather taken aback to read that others should henceforth "shut the fuck up."
Certainly, an old-school hip hop reference would have been more effective:
I guess I was naive to think that someone who brays incessantly--and without provocation--that she's a trained professional publicist would know better than to lash out so viscerally, especially at someone encouraging others to employ what is known in the common tongue as a 'Good Idea'. Imagine the Toronto Cyclist Union lashing out at someone for suggesting that fenders are a good idea because they protect the rider from road spray?
The absurdity is palpable: this same woman insists that sensible cycling necessitates a host of accessorial appliqués, such as a chain case, skirt guard, and fenders. Each component is meant to protect the rider from threats vague and trivial. But wear a helmet? Ne'er!!
Perplexed by such gross inconsistency (and the subsequent discord of priorities...), I posed a question to Toronto's twits that I felt justified an answer:
However, being a socially-ostracized clod with complex odour issues and an uncontrollable nervous reflex to bark at shoelaces, I was shunned by my betters. I am undeterred, however, and though our leaders may provide a poor example, I would like to issue, in their place, the following Public Service Announcement:
Coming soon as a frame sticker near you. If you want one, details will follow in the coming weeks.